The kids need eye exams, I want to know if the school where we are moving to has all day kindergarten (and do I hold Gunnar back a year if they do???), I want to find housing in a safe neighborhood, and it is seriously time for a paycheck.
And then other days I feel like this-
I don't want to leave my Village, I don't want to leave my friends, I don't want my kids to have trouble making new friends, I am afraid I will have NO friends where ever we move, I hate moving, I hate the post packing clean-up (seriously thats the worst), we don't have much money left, I am scared of Lohn not getting a job, what do we do and where do we go if he doesn't get a job, and how in the HALIBAT are we going to pay off all this debt.
And then I take a deep breath, say a little prayer, remind myself that all is going to work out and then I feel like this-
A short little story to tell you. About a month ago, while I was washing the dishes and pondering our precarious situation, I sang the song to myself "How firm a foundation" Halfway through the third verse, I started to cry and couldn't sing anymore. The third verse is as follows.
"Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand."
The Spirit manifested to me at this time that all is going to be well, everything will fall into place. When I have my "down" days, I just remind myself of this experience and the promise I received that everything is going to be fine. And when I REALLY stop to reflect, my life IS perfect. We are all healthy, we have housing, transportation, a loving and supportive extended family, the gospel, and best of all, a loving Heavenly Father that we know and can talk to who understands all our struggles. Yep, everything is just fine folks. (But please forgive me if you see me pulling out my hair, or balling like a baby, it's only temporary I promise)
4 comments:
Oh man, I remember this all too well. I promise it will get better, but holy crap, it is so stressful in the meantime. I am so sorry!
It's funny you mention that song, because the one I would always sing in my head was from "Come Come Ye Saints":
"Gird up your loins,
Fresh courage take,
Our God will never
Us forsake.
And soon we'll have
This tale to tell.
All is well!
All is well!"
You are so wise. Thanks Sharon, this is exactly how I feel sometimes, even though I have a permanent home and a paycheck. But you're right. And also, I would have liked this post better if you had taken pictures of yourself with those expressions :) haha
Sorry it is stressful right now. You are awesome! I wish I had half as much faith as you do!
Similar position a year later- minus the students loans but with a prof's modest salary. Settling into "real life" again in a new community takes about a year. I'm praying for a job where the ward house isn't far away so that you can have that instant support network of a church family. It took me such a long time to get my bearings here, and our little Lutheran congregation is only 6 minutes away, but it's all older people who've known each other their whole lives. I'm just now letting them jump in and help me because I can't do it all! I keep repeating "for I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" Jer. 29:11. Jeremiah was one of the most truly depressed prophets of Israel because of the devastation his people lived in, yet he clung to this hope that God offers to his people.
Post a Comment